Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your. Now he likes peanuts.. USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. ", Warren replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Joy fell out, but you know, fifty quid is fifty quid". 18. The Best Military Jokes: Jokes for Every Branch - Reader's Digest [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? The controller while working a busy shift told a 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). As A.J. 2. You should always use any of that variety of jokes sparingly. He nodded. On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. Hey, Im from St. Louis too! he said. I was very nervous, she said. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. Why was the sergeant made when his son brought home an A in math? Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can). Economy Class Conditions under which transportation of animals would constitute a criminal offence, 57. What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? Military Jokes Military Humor - Strategypage.com Good judgment comes from experience. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. He looked over at the Soldier and said when are we going to stop playing these games, spitting in each others boots and pissing in each others drinks, its so juvenile!. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. Unless you can be Batman. They know how to take up space. Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind. Ive been sandblasted.. But if you say one word, it's fifty quid". Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. I got one here related to the tranparency of Soviet news.. ----- *News report from Soviet press agency* A friendly communist agricultural tractor was intercepted by enemy group of seven Chinese battle tanks, while performing its everyday works on wheat fields along Soviet-Chinese border. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. It Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. Dario Leone is an aviation, defense and military writer. 28. ! Again, no reply. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Waxing his plane A pilot got up bright and early, and told his wife he was going to wash and wax his plane. Why were the Marines invented? The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.. A LOOtenant! It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it But my fears were put Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. Browse the list below to find a funny joke to tell one of your buddies. What did you do? Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? The sergeant came in, grabbed a spoon, and took a taste. 66. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal, 22. Scan the list below to find some hilarious military one-liners that will make your Navy friend laugh like crazy. Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off Unless you're a pilot, an aeronautical engineer, a hang-around traveler, or simply someone who enjoys aviation, airplane jokes are surely right up your alley. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. 32. 55+ Best Pilot Jokes That Fly | Kidadl I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.. Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. Why, certainly, young man, he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters. The irate sergeant scrambled back up amid guffaws and barked, Those who laughed, get down and give me 20! A.J. What do you call a training sergeant whos very kind and respectful? A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts a shelf life of three years without being frozen, and now the Week has asked its readers to name this durable dish. Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your Flight Attendants, 24. He had the same plane as yours. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. SUB sandwiches! I've told you that I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. What does ARMY mean to you? We have one or two in here! (Hang up. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. Where are you from? The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day. Keep up with Katee on Instagram and linkedin.com. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. Caller: OK. Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. Now, they are wanted for dessertion. Basic Army training rules goes as follows: If it moves, salute it. Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. One stated they would love to work on a submarine. He told them "you must find your own way to this beach head for 0600 tomorrow morning, there you will be tested like never before". I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. 16. Trust us; we have plenty of those, too. Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. Why Do We Celebrate It? An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess" He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. ", "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?". Aviation jokes | Key Aero A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. Rodrigues there? As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. Rather than move, he called the bridge: Hey, he said, can you shift the ship 15 degrees? Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . Caller: Do you have his right number? 3. 6. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . One night, he returned to the dorm in his perfectly pressed uniform, his newly acquired name tag in his hand. ! Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one.". He then made his way to my side. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. An airplane! How different military branches use the stars: The U.S. Army sleeps beneath the stars. Anecdotes 1. While drinking their beers, the smart-ass fighter pilot decided to ask, How many did you end up catching today.. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. I thought I was on top of my game that day, Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. She has a Bachelor of Arts in English from the University of Alabama in Huntsville. Home Blog 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition). My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. A military private saying I learned this in boot camp The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. However, a great landing is one where you can use the airplane again afterwards. You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. Want some really over-the-top, cheesy jokes about the military? A military pilot requested a priority landing, because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. Learn from the mistakes of others. Read more. ! Fish Food. ", The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Soldier: Sure, buddy. The guy put down the paper, turned to my friend, and said, Well, there goes the light bulb.. My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. The good news: You got a bulls eye. Before my head could swell too much, he added, But it was in somebody elses target.. Military jokes 291 Pins 3y D Collection by Devyn Scholtes Similar ideas popular now Military Humor Military Quotes Humor Funny Memes Military Jokes Army Humor Army Memes Military Life Funny Posts Hilarious Memes Humor Funny Memes Spongebob Memes My son is in Marine Infantry School and one of his best friends is in the Air Force Academy. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. Co-Pilot: What?!. 64. 4) At the real-life Topgun programthe one the film was based onthere is a $5 fine for any staffer who references or quotes the movie. Thats my wifes breast pump.. What do you call a snail that boards a Navy ship? Pointing to the My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite, 15. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. Anecdotes 2. Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. If you stop to ask Why, you will be talking to yourself, 8. From the pilot during his welcome message: We are pleased to announce that we have some of the best Flight Attendants in the aviation industry.